I have never thought of myself as one who is good with words or good at being able to express my feelings. Today isn't going to be any different.
2 years ago Dudley and I decided that we were ready to start down the road of expanding our family. We weren't in a hurry. We just decided to let love lead. A year passed and nothing was happening, so this past January we decided to talk to my doctor just to make sure everything was okay. We went through all the initial testing and everything seemed great. This left us really wondering, if everything looks great why aren't we getting pregnant??
It was decided that we would start seeing an infertility doctor to see if there was anything more we could do. Long story short, I have been on two different cycles of treatment, both of which produced results, but I still didn't get pregnant.
Throughout all of this we would pray that if God wanted us to have a baby He would allow it to happened. He knew our hearts and our desires. We really thought we were letting God lead.
Jump to now:
We have been on such an emotional roller coaster not knowing what to think when God sent us the right people at the right time.
It was brought to my attention my someone I love, admire and look up to, that maybe we were letting getting pregnant take the place of God in our lives. At the time we didn't realize that is what we were doing, but looking back now that it is exactly what we were doing. It was consuming every part of my life. When this person shared their thoughts with me it was exactly what I needed to hear. From that moment on, Dudley and I made the decision to get our focus back on God. We needed to remember that He is who makes us whole.
We have since decided to stop fertility treatments for now and just let God lead. We know that he has a plan for us and we just need to love and adore Him. He knows what is best and all we can do is trust him fully.
I write this mostly to remind myself of Isaiah 55:8-9 "'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares The Lord.' 'As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.'" And of Romans 5:3-5 " we also rejoice in our suffering, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."